Do we set our kids up to misbehave?

As parents do we set our kids up to misbehave?

 I would say the answer to that often times is... YES! 

It's like me asking this 18-month-old to pose and smile at the camera and be still. 

Seriously- 18 month-olds are not wired to be still. End of story.

 In fact, that is the busiest time of their life. How could I expect that from him? I literally could not even keep him in my arms for more than a few seconds to get this blurry photo!

But even with any other age- parents overlook what is really going on through the eyes of their child. We want a quick fix and solution to the problem...and fast. We have forgotten what being a child is like and really their emotional needs are really similar to ours.

Two things to remember...

Kids want to feel connected and belonging. (just like us)

and 

Kids need to feel like they have some sense of power and control in their life. (just like us)

If we are constantly choosing, demanding, saying "Don't do that...Get off of there...Eat this..." we just might find a little fighter who feels misunderstood, discouraged, and powerless wanting to demand some attention and control in their life.

How would you behave if that was what you are experiencing?

Two things you can do...

Spend daily one-on-one time with your child being 100% present- no phones, no tv, no distractions. Place all your focus on them. (It's harder than you think)

and

Give them plenty of choices for them to choose from on a daily basis. 

*Also keep in mind HALT- I talked about it in this post HERE. Some reasons children misbehave to keep in mind...Hunger, Anger, Loneliness, and Tiredness.

I know I act out with any of these...and so do they.

Next time your child is not doing what you want them to do... take a moment and think of the last time you had one-on-one with them or that you gave them he opportunity to feel in charge.

I have so much more to say about this...but let's leave it at that for now.

besitos, xo

Put your feet up...Happy Mother's Day.

I recently heard two women having a conversation about how they hate Mother's Day. It's not the first time I have heard that. 

Their reason- "mother's guilt." To them it was a day of feeling guilty for all the things they didn't feel like they measured up to.

I mean... really?

I know mom guilt can exist....but only if you let it be there. Let's stop comparing ourselves to others and be proud of the title we have been blessed with. 

 So instead of dreading the day... 

Put your feet up.

Let those who love and appreciate you- serve you.

You deserve it. 

Here is the sweetest little video that my sister-in-law Darlene did for this post on Howdoesshe.com! My belly just make a debut so be on the lookout. 

You can find more Darlene's work here.

Happy Mother's Day to all of you who make an impact on the life of children every day in some way, shape, or form.

The other day I saw an older man at a restaurant sit down and help a mother of  newborn twins feed a bottle to one of the babies. I over heard him telling her how amazing mothers were.

He is right. I wish every mom could just see that.

besitos, 

xo

My last two cents...

I have begun to realize that this monthly challenge to unplug (which has been going on for several months) is an on going thing for me and my family..not something that can be accomplished in a matter of a  month or two... or three.  Living in this day and age- it will be a continual thing and adjustment. So, don't freak out if you feel like you are not where you want to be. We are all in the same boat!

But here is one last official post (I am sure there will be more to come on this topic) but first I wanted to turn your attention over to my post at How Does She right here- if you haven't read it already. After unplugging in my home with my family I have learned so many things about myself and my son...that I had to share. And sadly, the photo below is a real photo- not staged of me holding my son, walking across a street and checking my phone.

 I do know that I feel strongly about this topic as a mother and as a counselor. I am really noticing an impact on children and teens that I have worked with and it is what got me worried to begin with.

But the most important thing I have learned is that IT STARTS WITH ME!! And it is not easy because like I said in the post- I am not willing to ask something of my child that I am not willing to do myself. I have to be the example. 

Today my son begged but I mean begged and pleaded with me to watch a TV show after dinner.  I have to admit that I considered it completely knowing the difficulty he would have around bedtime getting to sleep.

 But I had to ask myself- what is my motive here for having him watch TV? Was it because I would really love to finish this blog post that I started several days ago and finish some photos I need to edit on the computer...or because I really feel like it would be a great and healthy activity for him to engage in before bedtime. 

I knew I wanted to get my stuff done...

So, I said no.

He cried.

Then, I forced myself to be present and we painted a birdhouse and made bird nests together- thanks to our BabbaCo box! I loved the time and moment we had together and I won't ever forget it- way better than any task that had to get done. But I have to admit- the itch to get stuff done first is always there and it takes effort to ignore and wait for a better time to do it. 

He is now asleep as I finish this post and I am happy that I can go to bed with a full heart of the memories we made today. Plus we learned all about birds- how fun is that? What if I had said yes to TV? What memory would have I missed out on?

I am not saying get rid of technology all together- although there are moments that I wish we could go back to the simple times of life...but I think it is just something to be aware of. There are a lot of studies out there proving some serious effects particularly in young children and it is good to be informed.

So, if this is something you are interested in finding more about- you can go to www.mediatalk101.org  where they have a great amount of interesting info about statistics and effects on children  you can read right here. Check out this video of statistics:

Then, I think I have mentioned this before- but you have to see this documentary if you can with your family...this is what motivated my media detox and it was amazing to find out all the research and books written on the subject!

With that being said,  I think I am ready to move on to a new challenge which I will share with you in my next post.



besitos, xo

The ipad: a parent's best friend... but am I feeding my child's addiction?

Ahhh the beloved ipad. 

I have such a love-hate relationship with this lovely device. On one hand it has saved me from insanity as I desperately have handed it over to my toddler to avoid meltdown.  But on the other I have began to notice something... The more I was handing it over to keep him entertained- the more I noticed he needed it. He craved it. It was all he could think about. His friends would come over to play and he would ask, "Mom can we play with the ipad?" At first it was cute to see three little boys huddled around an ipad taking turns in playing their favorite games...but when the ipad became more exciting then the great big sandbox we have in our backyard...I began to doubt. I began purposefully leaving it on so the battery would drain..."oh shoot- no more battery." Somehow they always could accept that answer.

It wasn't until one day that I had a deadline that needed to accomplish... and I grabbed  old trusty and found out it was dead...blast- not when I need it! Well, maybe I could have him work on a  puzzle or read a book while I finished up. 

Me: "Hey buddy- mommy has to finish up a project real quick- would you like to read a book or do a puzzle by yourself for a moment."

Him: blank stare.

Me: "Um, wow this book looks fun and it even has buttons you can press to listen to the noises."

Him: blank stare and puzzled expression. "I want you to read it to me."

Me: "Have you ever looked at a book by yourself before?"

Him: shook his head. "No."

At that moment, I realized oh my... my child has never looked through a book by himself before! I have always been there with him. I have never given him the opportunity to entertain himself because I am either doing it or relying on electronics or disney jr. to do it for him.

Something had to change...and I realized then that it had to start with me. 

So... I was brave... I unplugged. 

Our family detoxed for a week without any TV or electronic gaming device. Oh the tears and sadness that occurred when I informed Little Man about missing his favorite tv program despite the fact that I had been talking about it days prior. But a few days later and spending the days outside at the park in the warm weather, going to the zoo and painting, I noticed something... he stopped asking. He was so cheerful... he was creating stories in his head and even entertaining himself without me intervening. I could not believe it. I noticed less meltdowns and irritability. He literally transformed over night. Was it the decrease in screen time or was it that we had even more opportunities to be connected?

I have loved it so much that the TV is still "out of order."

I know there are a few studies like this one on the effects occurring in toddlers and children who spend several hours a day on the ipad. The children are showing signs of addiction and increased behavioral problems... which I think I began to see in my child.

I am not saying ipads and technology are bad. It has provided so much learning and knowledge just at our fingertips...but could there also be problems that we won't know until later. Will this generation of kids be called "the Ipad generation" and have funny little quarks that we didn't realize was correlated to an early introduction to screens. 

As a person who believes strongly that play is so important and a child's way of expressing and learning- I worry. I love to see healthy creative play... but creativity and imagination have to be worked out like a muscle- will those muscles weaken? Will children stop wanting to go outside... interact with one another... pretend?

I don't know yet...but what I do know is that if we use these devices constantly to calm our children or entertain them- they will never learn how to soothe and entertain themselves. 

How did our parents do it? 

I think we will be seeing more studies being done as we understand more the effects of our children's development. For now- I have set some guidelines and boundaries while he is little to make sure those creative and imagination muscles aren't weakened. I will let you know what I have decided to do soon. I am still refining. 

Here is another ABC news article done titled: Toddler obsessed with ipads: Could it hurt their development? 

What are your thoughts? What are your limits with ipads and electronic games?

xo

Awake to think...Refocus.

Have you ever laid awake just thinking? 

Thinking of the day before, the next day, what it will be like to have two little responsibilities instead of one, what preschool is a good fit for little man, should I even put him a preschool, trying to solve all the world's problems....blah blah blah. It's like my mind kicks into overload and doesn't shut off. 

Lately, I am awakened to an early morning pregnancy bathroom trip. I hop back in bed...(well not really hop but more like waddle over and plop) and my stomach rumbles with hunger. I try to ignore it. But then the mind begins to dream up what it would be like to be biting into Toll House Pie- (one of my favorites from a The Dodo in Salt Lake)...mmmmm... I almost get out of bed to bake myself one. 

Self- control Cristi....pull it together. Instead,  I grab a banana and some trail-mix. Sad face.

With an already over-analyzing mind- I find myself at 4:00 in the morning and wide awake.  50 minutes later after multiple failed attempts to force myself to sleep- I give in.

So here I am.

With nothing but the sound of quiet. Just a humming of my computer, typing sounds of the keyboard, sound of the heater, and cars passing by on a distant highway is all I hear. I have to admit. It is nice. 

As a mother you are never alone. Even when you are physically alone. Your mind always has a spot reserved for your child. It seems like the mother brain doesn't have a power off switch...well at least completely. Even as I write this- I keep thinking I hear little footsteps coming towards me- like it is only a matter of time before he knows I am awake and we start our day. 

I have been teaching a few different parenting classes in the community and finished up a series this week with a group of women. I think I love teaching groups so much because of all the strength that women give to one another and the strength I get from observing and listening to their stories. Despite their diverse backgrounds, they have an unspoken understanding of one another- and understand the  struggles and joys that come with the title of being a Mother. But the need for personal alone time and space comes up 100% of the time. As women, we are really bad about taking the time to do that. Moments of stillness and pure solitude are way too far and between. 

I think I can count on one hand the naps I have taken during the 7 months of pregnancy. I mean this should be my guilt free moment to do so right? Why don't I do it then?

Deadlines.

I seem to always have some pressing deadline hanging over my head. I've decided this morning as I am procrastinating working on a deadline that it's time to REFOCUS and cut off the things in my life that prevent me from doing the things I truly want to be doing... like writing more in this blog for example.  So, with the few projects that I am wrapping up in the next few months- my goal is to be 100% done with the session shooting portion of my photography business before the baby is here and then not taking anything else on. Even if it is saying no...which is a weakness of mine.  

Then just maybe I can go back to the photos of my family vacations that I took over 6 years ago and actually finish editing them. Then just maybe even create some albums from the tens of thousands of photos that I have on my computer.

So, I have about 7 weeks to tie up loose ends...

 But for now, I am off to edit and finish up some photography deadlines.

That is if Little Man isn't awake...I swear he has a radar for when I am up early.

Are there things in your life that you feel need to be taken off your plate?

besitos, xo

Dress the Bump and Flashback Friday

I am over here at How Does She today giving some tips on Dressing a baby bump.

Well, hello little human baby... I love feeling your kicks every day.

Little Man always wants to help take the photos for my posts. Why is he so cute?

When we are done we have a dance party.

Life is good.

But despite the joy of reaching this milestone in my pregnancy, this week has been a mixed set of emotions for me. 

Flashback Friday...It was about this time last year when I was starting to feel the healing process of joy again from having a miscarriage. The birds were chirping and the trees were blossoming. Then what 6 months later and what seemed like an eternity we were blessed to be pregnant again. I look back on that period of time and am grateful for the growth that came from that experience but wow- I didn't know how much a heart could hurt.   

This week I have shed many tears with a loved one of mine has been waiting a very long time to receive her blessing of having a child and was blessed with the opportunity. But at her second doctor's appointment found out there wasn't a heartbeat.


My heart aches for the loss and I shed tears knowing the extreme unbearable pain that she is feeling- right about the same time of the year last year when I was experiencing such sorrow. Oh how it can be so difficult to not go to a place of bitterness and anger where you wonder why her. In my eyes she seems to be the most prepared and perfect person to become a mother. Knowing that the Lord places such adversity and trials in our lives for our own good... what else could she possibly learn.

Time will tell.

There is a fabulous talk by Elder Scott Titled: Trust in The Lord

"When you pass through trials for His purposes, as you trust Him, exercise faith in Him, He will help you. That support will generally come step by step, a portion at a time. While you are passing through each phase, the pain and difficulty that comes from being enlarged will continue. If all matters were immediately resolved at your first petition, you could not grow. Your Father in Heaven and His Beloved Son love you perfectly. They would not require you to experience a moment more of difficulty than is absolutely needed for your personal benefit or for that of those you love."

 

"I testify that when the Lord closes one important door in your life, He shows His continuing love and compassion by opening many other compensating doors through your exercise of faith. He will place in your path pockets of spiritual sunlight to brighten your way."
 

Sending you pockets of sunshine today.
besitos, xo

Imagination to distraction in a matter of seconds...

Sometimes I look at my Little Man and wish I could just bottle him up and keep him at this age. 

Unfortunately, this moment of playful imagination gets interrupted when he finds my phone.  

Lately, I have been reflecting on this generation my son is now a part of. Where so much information and innovation is just a swipe or click of a button. My son will never know of a world without flat-screens,  ipads, and iphones. He will never know of a life without the term "social media" or " ipad app."  

Isn't that just amazing? 

What type of adults will come from this generation? Our children are essentially the guinea pigs for whether or not there are lifelong effects- should I be worried?

I understand all the wonderful things technology brings...but can there be a negative affect that we won't realize until it's too late?

Do you know what I worry about the most... 

That this generation will have the inability to connect with people face to face. That they will have such a habit of being stimulated by an external device that they may loose their imaginations, their creativity, their ability to sit still and be fully present.  

What to do...what to do.

I am still continuing with this monthly Challenge to Disconnect because I still have it on the brain... More about this subject...

besitos, 

xo

Printables For the Cleaning and Maintaining of the Home!

I am over here at how does she today talking about encouraging our children to work...


I have a little confession: I hate housework.
I really do.

Don't get me wrong- I love the feeling after it is all cleaned and organized but I really would rather be doing something else. Like playing outside or actually making the mess.

Pretty much anything else. 

Like I mentioned in the post, I have Adult ADD when it comes to cleaning. Monday rolls around and I feel overwhelmed about not knowing what part of the house to start with...so, I spin my wheels trying to get organized enough to organize... and before I know it- the day is gone.

Let's just say that I am easily distracted when it comes to cleaning...it can always wait right???

The only problem is I know how much more relaxed I am as a person in a clean home so I knew I had to make a change. I am not asking for a perfect imactulate home....just an organized and sanitary one that we can enjoy to be together in.

So, I had to come up with a system to be able to rotate through parts of the house and know what I was going to do on what day. It has changed my life. No, my home is not as orderly as I want it to be...but now that I took off the pressure to have it all cleaned at once- I am free.

And it feels good.

So here is my new system. 

So, I decided that I would dedicate one good solid 60-90 minutes a day cleaning some part of my home. NO MORE THAN THAT! In fact, I gave myself that rule...ONLY 60 minutes! I even set a timer. I wrote all the weekly and yearly things I could think of that had to get done in our home and created printables that I would attach to magnet strips.

Our family's Chore list 

Download these here (3 pages and 2 fill in the blanks)

You can find out the details on how I made the clipboards here but briefly-I found the metal clipboards at Craft Warehouse for 50% off ($3.50 each) and these sheets of metal at Home Depot for less than a dollar to adhere to my cabinet. I printed and cut out the strips and attached them to magnet. That's it!

My areas of focus for each day of the week have a corresponding color. Like Monday is this red. We cleaned that up yesterday.

The Mister and Little Man work together in cleaning up the kitchen and dining area after the meals. It feels nice to have a clean kitchen for the next day. That is their little daddy son job.

Yelllow= Saturday chores

Little Man has jobs in the morning as well and he gets to choose two to four to do each day in the area that I will be working at. So far he doesn't get any rewards at the moment except for Saturdays. On those days he gets 5 cents for each job and usually does about 5- so it roughly is about a quarter most Saturdays. Then he can save it or bring it along to spend when we walk by one of those annoying candy machines they put at eye level for kids at the grocery store! Grrrr.

Little Man is awesome in the bathroom!

Little Man's daily chore list that corresponds with my color code:

Download these here (6 pages)

What do you think? I know I missed some housework items...like walls? How could I forget those. Comment here and let me know what you would add to the next batch!

Also if you like these and want more- don't forget to follow me on FB or the blog for updates!

besitos

xo

Morning and Evening Checklists: My Printables.

 Why is it every time it is time to get dressed Little Man likes to run around the house in his underwear as if it is a game of tag? Cute at first. Not so cute when it becomes a daily habit. So, with the mister out of town last week and I found myself staying up into wee hours of the morning planning- organizing- creating.

I decided that it was time for little man to be able to do certain self-help skills on his own without me having to constantly remind him and hover over him. So, I worked in photoshop to pull together some basic self-help visual cards that a three-year-old should be able to do.

So this is what I did- I got a wooden clipboard from Target and painted it. 

Then I got the round velcro sticky thingies and put them on the clipboard to keep the images together in one place. 

Then, I cut a piece of 12 x12 paper into the right size for the clipboard and printed the words "do and done" on it.

And this is what it looked like. The velcro and images are under the sheet of paper.

Well, actually I ended up modifying it a but because I realized there needed to be more tasks then just 4.  So, here is what it ended up looking like. I have a place to change the moon and the sun to represent night and day. And also a place for his little "You did it" star that surprisingly he is so excited to get when he is done. Who knew!

It has been amazing- no more running down the hall when I mention the words "getting dressed!"

Here are the printables that work in my home. You can download them here. 

 besitos, xo

Watch out...There's some Nesting Going up in Here.

About two years ago I came upon this cute little egg... so I took a picture of it. I have a weird thing for nests and eggs...and was excited!

Then out of nowhere came this mom bird...she puffed up her chest and stared me down...I took this one measly photo...and backed away slowly.

For the next few days I watched this mama bird sit on the roof of the neighbors house keeping watch over her little one. She would stare down anyone who dared to come close.

Lately, I can relate to this mama bird.
 Pregnancy brings out the protective and dare I say- ornery side of me. I apologize in advance in you ever have to witness it.

But this past week my mama bird has been paired with the intense desire to NEST!

I am not sure if it's the fact that I am starting to realize that I only have a few months before I am a mother of TWO but my mind is constantly racing with ideas on all the things that need organizing, fixing, rearranging, etc.
It doesn't turn off.
I wake up in the middle of the night planning.... planning for when he will be here...what will it be like...what do I need to have ready...etc. And the inability to not be able to just get up right then and start moving furniture around kills me!

Not to mention, the lack of sleep mingled with my racing brain has totally affected my mom factor the last few days... I feel unavailable, preoccupied, impatient, and really just plain grouchy. And apparently it has been rubbing off on Little Man because he seems to be feeling extra emotional, needy, and impatient as well. Or does it just seem that way because I feel less patient? It's like I am in a hurry to be somewhere... but where? It's as though I have to have it all together and life figured out by June...how do I stop? As much as this instinct is a blessing it makes it so difficult to enjoy the moment. I am always thinking about what has to get done for the future- how can I get back to being in the moment?

Well I think I found the cure...I wrote the above paragraph yesterday during nap-time... and since then I had my little man up in the middle of the night with severe growing pains- so bad in fact that he even threw up from the pain. It was then that the burdens that I had placed on myself were lifted and I could just focus on enjoying the moment of spending the night cuddling my baby or actually my not-so-baby boy.

Hopefully, this feeling stays around.
besitos, xo

Flashback Friday...How to turn a 20 minute task into a 4 hour one.

For the past few weeks I have been teaching a parenting curriculum called Child Parent Relationship Training (otherwise known as Filial Therapy) that I will tell you more about soon- and it has been so much fun to listen to these moms who have such different situations in their lives but can relate to one another with the pure experience in itself of being a mom. I am just always so amazed at how fabulous mothers are. We really have such an important job that we do every day while we juggle everything else we have going on! It's amazing. 

So, in honor of the crazy lifestyle of a mom- my Flashback Friday I reflect on this feeling I had (here ) of being a new mom for  just under 8 weeks and adapting to the new life of a mother and trying to meet his needs while doing a simple task that used to just take 20 minutes tops!

Note to self: You can not start and stop the process of rice crispee treats... hardened marshmallow equals impossibleness to cut and clean up.

Date: April 14th, 2010 

  

So, I was in charge of our combined Young Woman and Young Men's activity last week and thought I would make an easy treat for about 50 youth...so, what is more simple than a little Rice Crispee Treat right? A little butter, some marshmallows, and rice crispees thrown together and VUALA- Pure yumminess!  No problem...20 minutes max right? How about almost 4 HOURS!!! This is how my day went:

12:10 pm- With Little Man sleeping in his crib, I ventured into the kitchen and went to work taking out the ingredients and warming up the butter and marshmallow mixture. 

12:20- I was in the middle of mixing the warm marshmallows and butter mixture when I heard Little Man begin to cry.... Being a new mom that shutters to the sound of her baby crying- I stopped mid stir and ran to his rescue. 

12:50- With a full belly, Nixon rested in my arms not wanting to be put down while I re-heated the mixture and began to stir...this time it being almost impossible with one hand- quite the arm workout! One handed, I tipped the rice crispee cereal in the mixture and tried stirring it in a bowl only to realize my bowl was too small and it came pouring over the bowl and all onto the counter top. Oops!

1:00- with the bowl overflowing of sticky marshmallows mess and rice crispees spread all across the counter, I grabbed another bowl with my sticky marshmallow hand and attempted to transfer the now hardened mixture into a larger one to finish stirring and then transfered it again to a glass dish...not an easy task for the one handed.

1:15- With one batch finished, I starting the process over (one handed)... lets just say it was nearly impossible yet a humorous balancing act.

1:20- Fed-ex man at the door- my hands covered in marshmallow goo and literally stuck to the wooden spoon...I opted to ignore it. 

1:45-  Nixon is hungry AGAIN...time to feed.

2:20- Continued where I left off now with Nixon now in a sling. 

2:45- Phone rings and I run to get it stepping on melted marshmallow goo that had fallen onto the floor. I then scramble to rinse my foot off in the sink to only run over it again while running to the phone.  I missed the phone call.

3:15- Tried cutting treats with a heart cut out... nearly impossible to do. 

3:45- Giving up after cutting out 30 hearts I finished cutting them with a bread knife.

4:00- Finished. Exaughisted. Time to clean up the disaster mess... after taking a few photos of course.

How did a 20 minute recipe turn into a 4 hour mess?

Besitos, XO

Don't get mad....Get the Camera.

How many of you are repulsed by what you see and would take one good look at this and put an end to it right away?

It gets better. 

It started with painting seashells...

Then Little Man asked me if he could paint his arms like an army guy. Are army guys painted?

"Um,  I don't know... I am thinking about it..." I responded as tried to buy some time and quickly scanned the scene to see what the worst thing that could happen. The paint was toxic free and washable right? Was it just about the clean up that I was worried about?

 "Well, okay but we will have to wash you off before you go off and play."

Begins to paint his arms immediately.

He obviously was excited and proud of himself.

He then looked at me with a grin and began to paint his face...did I say he could paint his face? 

I guess I didn't specificy and obviously when you are going into battle you will need some face paint to really blend in.

Could I really be mad at such a cute little face? So,  I just grabbed the camera instead.

The best part was watching his reaction when he saw himself in the mirror. 

The laughter was priceless.

But let me share with you a few things I have learned from not only using paint in my work but at home.  A few things make messy projects easier.

1. Put down a roll of plastic that you can throw away or reuse for easy clean up.

2. Paper plates and cups are great just to throw away without having to rinse out.

3. Baby wipes and paper towels that are close by make it easy to clean up spills and  hands- that is unless you child decides to paint his entire body- then you may need to use the sink...or bathtub :)

4. Remember it's just paint- washable paint at that. No need to get upset over a little mess.

This day came in perfect timing because I just received an email from a fabulous magazine called Seeing the Everyday- (you have to go check them out- I love the giant photos and messages- I have talked about them before!) about experiences people have had where they choose to not get mad but just grab the camera.

 You can read about it here.

If you have any experiences like this you can post them on their FB Wall here.

besitos, xo